12th Dec 2011

Just to think that it would be the best day off my life and it doesn't. I was so occupied with work and dealing with people are really hard. How can we satisfy everyone with different need? I'm lucky that I finally did and managed to get through everything. I was working till suddenly I received a dinner invitation from P.I was excited and looking forward to see P. We meet at the LRT station. At first he wants to eat banana leaf, but where can we get banana leaf at night? I knew from beginning there's some awkwerdeness between both of us. He keep his distance far from me. I knew that he's trying to do the line between us. I never thought that he's already make his mind. Nothing can be changed. We sat the whole night looking at some of my photos that was taken earlier this year. My heart really broken the time that he told me he kind of had make his mind. I realised nothing I can changed at the moment. And what we've discussed and hope that he gave last time was all in vain. No hope, no nothing. All shattered in pieces and it was so painful. P noticed my reaction. Even I forgive him thousand times, it won't be the same no more. Just could understand when P said that I'm important in his life but why does he hurt me more. It's so contradict.I feel like running away or maybe just be in the house and hibernate!He knew the consequences. I won't see him no more..not even his shadow!
It's not that i hate him, but i was disappointed with him.I just need to be far away from him so that there will be no confusion or any fight started from this situation.Another rejection.P feel so guilty and said sorry to me again and again.He is to be blame for my unhappiness.At this moment I just don't want to look for any relationship anymore. Maybe I shouldn't at all. :-(
Thanks P for everything, breaking and tearing up my heart into pieces. I hope that you are happy despite of my sadness. Danke!