6th Jan 2012

I had a very busy day as usual with works. Setting things up and do some paper works. I’m on my bed now. Staring at my wall, looking at the pictures that I’ve taken and suddenly his picture capture my eyes. The tears start rolling on my cheeks. I still remember that day, the day when the photos were taken. I walked up to my radio, turning on the radio looking for my favorite radio station, the RED fm.

 Looking at his photos, make me cry and listening to the Bruno Mars song title ‘Just the way you are’ reminded me what he had whispered to my ear, about being just me and he likes me just the way I am. It’s love song dedication on the radio. Suddenly I felt alone. I felt that if I look for new love, I’ll forget him. Forget everything about him. Forget his smile, the way he walks, the way he talks and everything about him. Just to think about that makes me scared.

 It’s only 12.27am. Seven days more would be exactly three months since the accident. I know that I shouldn’t be sad like this. But the pain is still there, deep inside. I knew he’s not meant for me but I don’t want to forget him. I’m still not over him. One of these days, I need to make peace with my heart.

I did send the letter to Marlene via email to her. I hope she read it and knew about what I felt about his brother. I hope that she understands my situation now and how I felt about his brother is for real. How I wish this wouldn’t happen at all. But it’s fate. We can’t runaway but to live with it.

I wish that Alex’s mom, Evelyne would be okay. She sounds like she’s a nice lady. I knew she blamed herself of what had happened to Alex. It’s not her fault at all. It’s just fate. If not, Alex wouldn’t meet me here and we had good times and memories together!

I miss you so badly Alexander Henry Grima. Tu me manques!!

Rest in Peace my love…