Without you
Today would be exactly the third month you’ve left us. I’m missing you so much and I’m not sure if I can move on that fast. My heart is always be with you no matter where I go and what I do. I know that I’m not supposed to feel and think this way. I should let you go. I should make peace with my mind and heart. It’s easy just to say but hard to do it. The memories of you and me will always kept in my heart.
I know Evelyne would like me to just be happy. I know she’s still holding on to you just like I do now. She blame herself that what had happened to you was because of her bad marriage. I felt sorry for her that she is now leaving alone with the dog and losing you was a big lost for her. Part of her too missing but I knew that she’s a good mother, Alex. I knew she loves her children a lot. It’s just she didn’t show it. I knew that’s not the reason. I knew that someday you’ll love to see her again. I think you must be happy there if you knew that I knew your mother, your sister and your twin brother. All of the important person in your life. I wish I could see her in this coming future. How it would be better if you become the one who introduce me to them but not in this circumstances. I would love to make peace with my heart. I do really want to see your resting place. If I were to migrate, I would surely love to stay with your mom and keep her company. At least, she has someone that she could talk with. I think you’ll love that idea too, Alex?
Evelyne did commented on me that I look happy with all of my friends here. I surely look happy but when I’m alone, I always had you. Looking at the photos of us, listening to the music that we love and remembering every second we had together. I still have tears running down on my cheeks. I have a hard time to let you go, Alex. You knew it. And Evelyne knew it too. I loved you till you death do us part.
I had a dream of you a few days ago. You look so happy there and ask me to be happy too. How I wish it’s easy in reality. In the dream, I was chasing you on a train. You look at me and you smile. I really missed your smile. It reminds me the first time I met you, on 23rd June 2011.
People may thought I’ll be crazy because until now I can’t get over you. You’re someone special in my heart even you’re not the one for me. You will always be special for me. I would give everything that I have just to make you alive again, if that is possible. In reality, it wouldn’t be happening at all!
I’ve should have told you that time how much I love you, but I didn’t have the guts to say so. But somehow, you knew it. Alex, I wish you’ll be happy over there. You’ll always be and forever be in my heart till my last breath. Tu me manqué!
Tomorrow would be another day without you. Just enough to say that you’ll be in my heart, my mind and my soul. Je taime!
14th Jan 2012, 0023hrs
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