New Year 2013

I know it's kind of too late to write about my new year resolutions but this is the only time that I have for myself. Last year was a bit of a tough and patchy year. I had some struggle with my love life, coping with death, missing someone a lot, crappy work place and bitchy workmate till I was fortunate enough to be offered a job in an international organisation and becoming an aunty again when my niece was born on 13.12.12.

I knew it is hard for me to forget the one that have been long gone, I mean forever. Heart still misses him when I saw some place or things that we used to do together. Time flies pretty fast and I wish that time go slows for me, but it's not going to happen anyway. I was crying by the river in Phnom Penh remembering that Alex and I had made promises that we're going to meet there. This year I went off to Cambodia alone, going to places that we were supposed to go. I am glad that I've made it. I'm sure Alex will be happy to see me too. I just don't want to forget him as I really love him so much that he is still in my heart, in my every breath that I take...but it's time for me to let him go.

I know that I'm not the typical skinny,sexy girl but I am overwhelmed by the response that I've got from guys, which some I am not fond off. I'm just not have any feelings or sparks or whatever that can make me flying high. My love life now sucks. Today is Valentine's day and I'm the only person that is still single and both roommates are 'mating' and I'm the only one left in the living room starimg at the computer screen..at least Michele Buble helps to boost my mood...Just let the day pass...


 

Just a tought..

Was it me or was it the feeling that I had inside that make me felt like I am Indian.I am missing everything about India.The memories, the bad and the sweet memories I had. The adventurous journey. Listening to Hindi song...Hindi movies making me feel that I should be there, now. Looking back at all the photos and places I've been and people that I've met along the way.

Now I'm listening to some of Atif Aslam song...Tu jane jaa...feels like i'm in a train somewhere in India..looking over at the hay stack and the dried trees,Was thinking is possible for me to earlier than Holi?Then I'll miss all the excitement which I am looking forward too.

I have a lot of questions from people that I knew.They always ask me," Why India,again????". Well, I don't have the right answer but I always feel that I am at ease when I am there. I have some 'connection' with India. Maybe the people, maybe the place that I've been and maybe it reminds me off how much we try to look for happiness, the happiness itself just infront of you. Maybe I feel that I have no worries, and life treated me well there. Maybe that I knew I would find people who cares and loves me and treat me like I am one off them but in reality I'm a complete stranger!

Now, I am thinking of residing there.Yup, there in India.Why??I still have no idea but this is just a tought.

 

RIP ~ 14th Oct 2011-14th Oct 2012

Dear Alex,
It's been a year since the accident. And I was wondering if you are still alive now, where would you'll be by now. Was chatting with your mom in FB and I knew that she is still sad as part of her went when you left us. I understand that feelings she had. We shared the same pain and I wonder, it will be more painful for your twin brother Aurelien to be all alone without you. I wanted to see them so badly, but I have no idea when I'll be there. Meeting them personally, visiting you Gingko Biloba tree that they plan for you...commemorate you.

Last night, I had the chance to talk to your little sister, Jacinthe. She told me that they have a picnic at the gingko tree and it's growing. Surely does. It's autumn now and will be winter soon. I am hoping that I could be there in April or maybe in June 2013. What I need to do now is book my flight ticket and do some early preparation. Last year, I almost did half way to France but I stopped in India. I'm afraid that I would be devastated and can't control my emotion. I did cried a lot, disbelief,anger and sad at the same time. I am so lucky to have friends who are really care for me, so does your family ; Alexandre  Henry Grima.

Alex,
Few weeks ago I went to the island. This time I went with a friend of mine. I wasn't that strong to go there again with images of you in every place that we've set foot before.It's also been a year after we went to the island. Things change so fast. A lot of new buildings and new mall were built nearby to the beach area. Definitely, it's not gonna look like it used to be.My friend and I went to the island hoping trip. We went to the island with lots of monkey. Remember, they took my sequined purse,phones and the small sling bags? We had to wait for the monkey to throw it and at last we left?

I was terrified and shaky but you presence make me safe. My friend and I went to that Island and guessed what..? There's no more monkey when we were there. It was a good hot fine day for island hoping.We went to the last island.I still remember my picture that you took when I went on the swing on the tree.It was a total fun!Not forgetting our picture being taken by the Russian couple. It was a romantic time in the sea. I will always have the memories of us in my heart and my mind. You will always be missed by us. It's unlucky for you to leave us that early. Just so you know that I love you always, mon cheri.

 

Must LOVE Me

After experienceing few heartbroken moments, I guessed I've learned something important this time that is
NEVER EVER TRUST A GUY 110%. Words can manipulate you, gestures can deceives you and never felt for that lies ever. Why do I say that? This is because off the incident that happened weeks before this.
I went to CH with friends for a trip and this is the first time I met Mr.C (name not to be disclosed). He was with a friend of mine and I have no other thing on him until after I got to know that he and my friend is JUST A FRIEND. I believed on that without any questions asked. After the CH trip, he kept on texting me asking if I was going to the meeting we had on the popular rooftop bar in KL. I didn't expect him to turn up. Well, I guessed he did. He was all into me. How do I knew? Gesture and where he places his hand...the smiles and staring at you...and chasing you all night long...Does that tells you something? Yea, definitely he was into me. I was in dilemma because I knew before hand that he likes my friend. Hey, I'm NOT the kind of girl who will take other girl's man, okay!..He confranted me and told me that they had nothing special.And yea, stupid of me.. I believed him. We had so much fun that night.The end of week, I had to go to Melaka to look for Mr MIA..which I failed. End up, I stayed a night in Jonker and met few friends over. Mr C called me up suddenly, told me that he's heading to Melaka and will reach there shortly, I was surprised because I think that would be the sweetest thing a guy could do to be with a girl.Another stupid mistake I make. I should have told him to just fuck off...If I knew this would be happening.

Another incident just hit me...again!..Damn..Why didn't I have luck with relationship even just for once...with guys??Is that to hard to really look for a sincere, honest,trusted loving guy for me?Are they in extinction?The only words that I usually heard from guy is,'I like you, but........'.Hemm..
I know that I'm not beautiful and I'm just a simple girl with really outgoing personality.
The story goes like this, I met him throug a friend. He's a divorcee with a teenage son and he is in his mid-4o's. I was thinking that he's the one as I've taken a lot of measure...just to get the confirmation that he is genuine of knowing me.Unfortunately, in the end...he is not.He did proposed to marry me and love me with all off his heart, but I guessed that's just the way he is. Sweet talker, deceiving and not worth of me!Let alone, I just dumped him and ignored him completely. I moved on kowing that someday I'll be meeting up with my other half which I don't know when. Only time can tell.

I just too tired to play around and having fun with guys. I can easily have anyone that I want, not boastig but that's the fact.I don't wanna be sex toy or sex symbol anymore (I think!..Just look at my humps...). I need to be settle down soon. It's not that I wanna get married tomorrow, but at least I wll have a steady, healthy relationship with someone. Definitely, half of my heart lost when Alex leave me. It has been a year,since he's gone.No one can ever replace him. Now, I just crossed my fingers that I'll have my own other half. Enough say, just let the flow take me to the land of promising.

Another heart break!

I was thinking that I've finally found the right person for me to share my love,my happiness, my sad moments and all off me. But, I'm an epic failure when it comes to love and passion. I still struggle to find the one until I take the decision to just to stop looking for it especially with traveller.He told me that I need not to wait for him, the day he left Kuala Lumpur.It's hard for him to go..but it's hard for me to let go.What have I done wrong?I don't deserve to be love, to have someone besides me, to protect me from harm, to be with me when I need him the most?I feel my life is so pathetic.Epic failure.
And now I turn my love to my passion for travelling. I feel that I need to connect myself with me and find what I want in my life.I feel like I just want to disspear from here, go where the wind bring me and never had plans....

Sleepless night

It's been awhile I hadn't updates my stats and it's been a crazy week for me as well, with personal life and also my work life.Life sometimes is not fair.When you think that you finally found that someone and after that you just realised that he was there just for a moments.Nothing last forever and so does the feelings.Life's too complicated and that really bothers me. My sleepless night....
I met this guy name Nic on the 25th Jan 2012.What can I say about him is that he's really low profile and down to earth guy.The kind of guy that I feel comfortable to talk with.We had lots of things to chat about the first time and I think I did fall for him in the process.The not so good part was, he is a traveller.I just don't know why I can easily fall for travellers...I knew some of my close friends out there are happy to see me happy and to see that there's sparkle in my eyes each time I see Nic.I knew that I've been sad for the past few months after Alex's passing.Huhu, this really bothers me...oh, I wish he stays!

My MOTTO...my MOJO??

This is what I encounter when I was browsing one of my friends photos upload. He was saying that the wording itself really suits him well...This is how it goes:

THIS IS YOUR LIFE. DO WHAT YOU LOVE AND DO IT OFTEN.
IF YOU DON'T LIKE SOMETHING, CHANGE IT.
IF YOU DON'T LIKE YOUR JOB, QUIT.
IF YOU DON'T HAVE ENOUGH TIME, STOP WATCHING TV.
IF YOU ARE LOOKING FOR THE LOVE OF YOUR LIFE, STOP.
THEY WILL BE WAITING FOR YOU WHEN YOU
START DOING THINGS YOU LOVE.
STOP ANALYZING, ALL EMOTIONS ARE BEAUTIFUL.
WHEN YOU EAT, APPRECIATE EVERY LAST BITE,
LIFE IS SIMPLE.
OPEN YOUR MIND, ARMS AND HEART TO NEW THINGS AND PEOPLE
WE ARE UNITED IN OUR DIFFERENCES.
ASK THE NEXT PERSON YOU SEE WHAT THEIR PASSION IS
AND SHARE YOUR INSPIRING DREAM WITH THEM.
TRAVEL OFTEN; GETTING LOST WILL HELP YOU FIND YOURSELF
SOME OPPORTUNITIES ONLY COME ONCE, SEIZE THEM.
LIFE IS ABOUT THE PEOPLE YOU MEET AND THE THINGS YOU CREATE WITH THEM.
SO GO OUT AND START CREATING. LIFE IS SHORT
LIVE YOUR DREAM AND SHARE YOUR PASSION.